So, you may have noticed that I haven't written anything lately. It's not from lack of anything to write about. If I say I've been busy, it will sound like a cop out. But, really I have.

I have a new job. I'm kind of still in shock about it. It happened very quickly. A friend of mine told me about an open position in a different college at the university so, I applied. Because things work so slowly there, I didn't expect to even hear from anyone for at least a month. Only, they immediately contacted me about taking an aptitude test and and an interview. With very little time to prepare, I went. That night I got a call offering me the job.

I am going to be a web developer. Well, not really. That is the official job title, but really I'll be learning to be a web developer. Yes all those years of teaching myself html and cascading style sheets have finally come to fruition. I get to learn web programming as well as design.

My first day on the job will consist of my leaving for an intensive 3 day training course in Adobe Creative Suite. Their putting me up in a hotel with a pool and everything. But, here's the thing. I am really nervous. You see I have been at my current position for almost 9 years. Even though I've gotten really burnt out and over it, I'm really comfortable here. Its that whole stepping outside of your comfort zone thing.

I'm worried about the dumbest things too. Like, I worry if my brain is so set in its ways that it will refuse to learn new things. I worry that I will screw up something so major on their website that I will be fired on the spot. I worry that people will think I smell- I have begun sweating a lot more than normal this year and have been searching furiously for a clinical strength deodorant and am about to begin searching on line.

So, those are a few of my worries. Then there is the guilt. I have been where I am for so long that I feel bad about leaving. I find that there are all kinds of things that I just handled and now have to list out for the group until they get a replacement. I began packing up my things the other day and realized, I have seen 9 years worth of students graduate. I have seen and helped 9 years worth of graduate and post graduate students earn their master's and phD's. I have seen many of them go on to teach at the same college. Its been a long time. But, the thing is it IS time. Its time for me to move forward. And that is my biggest worry. What if I take this chance and move forward only to fall flat on my face?

I know thats probably a normal fear- or maybe it isn't and I am one of those people who fears success. I guess my biggest problem is that I don't feel like I can celebrate the way that I should. Different members of my family are going through hardships. They all say congratulations, but they are preoccupied. Then I feel guilty because I want them to be a little bit happier for me. Then I worry that I am not sympathetic enough to their problems.

The thing is I gave this job 6 weeks notice. So, now everyone knows I'm leaving and I have pretty much checked out and am feeling pretty isolated. I've been trying to busy myself, which has been very easy. I have inventories to take, instructions to update, student workers to train- I'm swamped.

But every time I get frustrated at work or feel like I'm moving on too soon, I think about the perks. I took my current job because I really didn't know what I wanted to do. I was really interested in technical writing and training. I was also interested in networking and computer hardware. But, this college couldn't afford to train me in any of those things. I had to learn it on my own and by being willing to research until I found the right answer. And that was cool, but it did nothing to help me find a focus.

I knew I wanted to go further in technology, but never thought I had the right type of training to do anything web related. I mean I can build websites, but I never really learned anything about design. I figured as long as I kept the designs simple and clean people wouldn't notice that I wasn't a designer. And now, here I am the perfect candidate for a group looking to mentor someone. Even better, this is a college that can and will invest in training for their employees.

When I was talking to the friend who told me to apply, I told her that I really did feel like it was time for me to move on to something else. There was a pause and then she said, "Chas, you were ready to move on 3 years ago." And she was right. She IS right.

So, maybe all I'm really doing is trying to convince myself that its ok for me to be happy about this. Which is silly because- and I'm letting you in on a big secret here- I prayed for this. Not this specifically, but about 3 months ago, I started hoping and praying that I could find a way to move on before one more computer lab was added to my roster of duties. I wanted to get out before I started hating my coworkers. I wanted a job that could take me further in the things I would love to know. I always wanted to be a real geek girl. And I think I am going to finally get the chance. So every day that I walked into the building, every morning when I woke up, I would just say "please let something happen to get me out." And then this happened, and it happened so quickly that I haven't really had time to second guess it. Which is probably what I am doing now that I have all this time on my hands.

Can you picture it? Me. A maven of PHP and Java and a whole bunch of other web technologies that sound like things I should know but don't. I know nothing about what my new set up is going to be. But, I do know that the atmosphere is Macintosh friendly and I won't have to work with students anymore. I'm sure I'll still have to convince myself that I have not stepped into a zombie movie as I drive on to campus every day. I'm pretty positive that I won't be able to escape whatever office politics are waiting for me. And, there is still the chance that my new coworkers will think I smell bad, but I do think this is the luckiest thing to have happened to me in a long time.

I think the moment when things will really sink in is when I wipe my hard drive. Right now, I'm so focused on all the things I have to do before I leave. Even writing a formal letter of resignation so that my boss could post my position as being open didn't have the resonance I was expecting. Instead, that was when the feeling that I was an outcast began. Maybe I hurt myself by giving such a long period of notice. Its not like they can afford to get mopey about my leaving them just before the start of a new semester. They have to get their act together and move forward too. I wonder if they will buy me lunch as a fond fairwell. Probably not, since I was the oe who always arranged the good bye lunches for people who were moving on to other jobs. So, all I can do is wait it out. And now, that all I can do is wait it out, I am trying to hold on to that sense of excitement I had when I received the phone call telling me I got the job. Of course hubby and I are going to the mountains for our anniversary this weekend. Maybe the serenity of the place will help me get a grip on whatever this is.

Anyway, thats what's been going on with me lately. I'll be updating you guys on the book drive and letting you know about some incentives I have in place in upcoming posts. Stay tuned.